I tossed the cards for someone that couldn't ask the question on her mind. She was one of those people that didn't expect anything from a tarot reader. So, there is really no point in spilling one's guts to some guy that shuffles little pieces of paper. She had been slightly pressured into the reading by another.
Relationship issues became apparent as soon as the cards dropped. Her mouth fell open. I then shared with her that the man of her dreams was gone. Most of her already knew that. She nodded with a frown.
Then the reading became unbelievably erotic. I could literally see her* masturbating while thinking of this man, an activity she engaged in many times a day. This she freely admitted. I advised her to stop. Orgasms are powerful things. She wasn't relieving memories but, in the moment, believed them on going. I am not saying this in a psychological break sort of way but in an emotional pattern sort of way. This was not healthy.
As we delved into the reading, part of her sexual/emotional obsession with this man was the way he entered her. This too I could see. Her sexual persona was getting attached to that sensation. Again, this is not healthy. Our discussion showed this woman was not afraid or ashamed of her sexuality. Thank the gods for small favors!
My diagnosis, for lack of a better word, was that her sexual obsession with him caused her a great deal of emotional pain. For she continued to relive the relationship, her love and her loss whenever she was "in the mood," which, from what I could tell, was constantly.
At first, I told her to spend her alone time thinking of some other past lover or some fantasy. She said she just couldn't do it.
It was then I felt the prompt to give her really bad advice. Given the puritanical bent of this country, its obsession on sex and its coupling of that with harsh judgement, it is generally a bad idea to say things like this. Primarily because, due to the above, so many people feel guilty about sex in the first place and one cannot heal oneself while feeling guilty about the process. Yet, in this case, I knew my words needed to be said. So, I gave the worst advice I ever uttered during a reading.
"Go out, find a random men and fuck them. Do anyone you are attracted to but do it safely. Do a lot of men."
She took that advice quite well as she realized I was not making a move on her. She said that people were judgmental of such things. I told her the obvious solution to that was not to tell them! When we parted ways, I was pretty sure there were going to be a lot of young men out there would owe me a thank you. This woman was quite attractive.
I found her on Facebook later and asked how she was doing. She said that she was healing up quite nicely in large part due to the tarot reading. She didn't quite follow the advice but she did follow the intent. She went back to an old 'fuck buddy'. This helped her recalibrate her sexuality away from her departed love. So now, urges do not come with pain, loss and torment.
As a reader, you have to be confident in what you see, here and otherwise 'get' is what the querent needs to hear. The words you share cannot be filtered through your sense of right and wrong. It is important to trust that the querent is a fully functional adult capable of making her own decisions and interpreting your words as best for her.
You only get to this point by doing a lot of work. By that, I do not mean a lot of tarot readings. I mean you have to uncover yourself. You have to know your thought process well enough to know the advice is not coming from you but from the Highest Part of You. This is accomplished through meditation, examining your life through a ruthless microscope and cutting away as much of your own bullshit as possible.
In short, a good tarot reader knows the cards and has some solid intuition. An accomplished reader has made real those old powerful words upon the Oracle at Delphi, "Know Thyself"
* I have come to learn that what I see like that isn't literal. I am sure she doesn't look exactly like what I saw but the message was clear. Further, seeing that and being able to share it with her did two things. First, it was a confirmation for her that I knew what I was doing. Secondly, it charged the reading what can only be described as platonic eroticism. That energy built trust and intimacy that was so necessary for her to hear what was being said.
Note: I don't post here nearly as often as I originally planned but I have a few more coming.
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